Æsc and Œthel

Getting to know WordPress.

Well I've got to the stage where I can change the header but I want to learn much more about WordPress and Content Management Systems in general.

So at the moment I've got a bit of a 'quick and dirty' design up. The header isn't quite how I want it (a bit truncated and I don't think I want the black bar at the top). But good enough.

I guess I should warn you that every now and again I'll put something like this up. The main aim is to write a blog about all the stuff that interests me and unfortunately the design of the blog itself interests me even though it's thoroughly boring to everyone else.

'First' Post

This is my first WordPress post. There is much to be done before I am satisfied with the look of the site. In the future it may appear that this isn't the first one. But that's because I'll have worked out how to backdate stuff and transferred it over from Facebook notes. It's not dishonesty. The dates will be the dates that the notes were originally written. Just that they weren't originally written on this site.

I guess a lot of first posts are by their very nature quite boring and far be it from me to buck a trend. As it stands this is my first post and I shall place more interesting stuff in another posting.

Just something I wanted to share.

I just wanted to share the words of an advert with you:

"Dear World,

It's me. I'm writing to let you know. I have BIG goals for myself and I can't let YOU or ANYONE stand in my way. Because I can do anything I try and I ALWAYS try.

Dear World,

This is what it feels like to be me. This is what it feels like to be a MAN.

Sincerely

A man."

Ok. Ok. So I actually changed that a bit - but what was your initial reaction? To me it sounds selfish, controlling, I could imagine those being the words of a future dictator (and also - if the letter is to the world who is this 'or anyone' they're talking about? Extra terrestrials?)

You may or may not have guessed by now but where I put the word 'man' the actual world was 'girl'. Apart from that the only difference is that the advert was voiced by several girl's voices and included some of their names. It was an advert for Girls Inc. a company who are trying to turn all girls into little brats and all little brats into hardbitten ultrafeminist dictators "promote a girl's right to be herself".

Why is it acceptable to promote this horrible selfish attitude in the name of confidence? I also have a sneaking suspicion that if a girl's ambition was to stay at home and raise a family her 'right to be herself' would be overridden by modern feminist/communist ideals.

But in the world of the politically correct you are allowed to be prejudiced and selfish as long as you are prejudiced in what THEY (the politically correct) see as the right direction. It means that you can talk about black power and not be seen as racist but put the word 'white' in the place of black and you suddenly are. It means that my misquote above would be seen as sexist and controlling but change the word "Man" for "Girl" and it's perfectly OK.

In the end we are NOT all equal in a politically correct sense anyway. There are physiological and mental differences caused by a mixture of racial origin, gender and upbringing that will always mean that we have different strengths and weakness from each other. Ignoring the facts that someone from a 'middle class' family has more breaks than someone from a 'working class' one, that if you are black you are at risk from Sickle Cell anaemia and if you are White you have a greater risk of Skin cancer, that female athletes could never compete with male ones on an equal basis and that male dancers couldn't hope to be as flexible as female ones, that someone with ADHD would have to be taught in a different way from someone with Aspergers or Dyslexia or any of the supposedly 'normal' children in the world and many other examples does not stop them from being true. Zeroing in on one group and making them feel more special than the rest is just producing a different set of problems for a future generation. It would be more productive to encourage people to understand their own strengths and weaknesses and those of others.

Dear World,

It's me. I want to understand you, to help you, and to help YOU to understand ME. Together we can help each other. Especially if we both look to Jesus, our Creator and Saviour. Because with God ALL things are possible.

Dear World,

This is what it feels like to be me.
This is what it feels like to be human,

Sincerely,

Tim.

1 and 1 equals frustration

Just when I want to upload WordPress to my webspace (yes - I know I could just use WordPress' site but I want to poke around in the code and customise it at some point plus I like using my own domain name) my host (1&1) who have normally been good in terms of support and in terms of the hosting they provide suddenly become a pain.

I can't seem to FTP all the files to the webspace like I used to be able to do. The only alternative would be to use the 1&1 website and use the webspace upload feature and do it all via their website - except WordPress has a few THOUSAND small files and you have to load the files individually.

I downloaded the FTP program that you get free from 1&1 in the hopes that I'll have more joy with that than the 3 others I've tried. I'm also switching to e-mail. Phone may be more convenient but it's probably costing me 10p a minute.

Exorcism

This isn't a serious post about the demonic and it's dispersal but rather a light-hearted note about songs.

You know when you get a song that just won't leave your head even though you hate it. It stays in there like an evil demon taunting your brain with it's triteness and banality. What do you do?

Well I found that the best solution is to find a song that you like and will never tire of which also sticks in your head. Any time you get a 'demonic' song stuck in your head you can 'exorcise' it with this tune. For me it's the Proclaimers' "1000 miles" otherwise known as "I'm gonna be" or maybe "500 miles" depending on which part of the lyrics you get the title from. Whatever it is it has successfully exorcised the demons of Aqua's 'Barbie girl', 'Betty boo doing the do' and Whigfield's 'Saturday night' from my brain, and it's a lot better than going down the street singing "The power of Christ Compels Thee"

(and is much less likely to get you sectioned!)

A lovesong for a future wife

Are you someone I've already met
Or someone I haven't
Been introduced to yet

I don't know
But sometime in the future
I do.

Are you someone I already care for now
Or someone I'll care about
some future time somehow

Well I don't know
But sometime in the future
I do.

Are you someone I've known for all my life
Or will it only be a year after we meet
That you're my wife

Well I don't know
But sometime in the future
I do.

Well there are those who fret and fuss
Because there's only me not us
And there are those who'll try to engineer my fate
And there are times when in my heart
I think I've found my missing part
But 'till I'm sure I know I'm quite content to wait

Are you someone that I'd expect
Or someone who surprises me
I don't know what comes next

I just don't know
But sometime in the future
I do.

The Milkman Cometh

Well. I haven't downloaded the blogger software yet. Might do it tonight or tomorrow evening but the important thing is I discovered what happened with the milk.

Turns out that the Milkman delivers in my area at 6.30 am. Had the milk been nicked? I don't know. As it had been delivered to number 10 instead of to 1D I have no way of knowing but I know I'll have milk on Friday. Now if they could just stretch to 6 day delivery instead of 3 I'd be completely satisfied with their service. I hope the people at number 10 noticed and appreciated their free pint of milk. I know _I_ won't be charged for it. 🙂

Blogs and Milkmen

Well first off I've kind of been using "Notes" in Facebook as a sort of blogging tool but it isn't as visible or useful as a blog. People are less likely to read it because of the "static" from the 15,000 people they don't know who they have added as 'friends' on facebook. How are you supposed to find out that someone you're GOOD friends with has posted a note. Especially as you don't get it posted anywhere visible unless you deliberately publish it simultaneously on your wall - even then people tend to read the stuff on their own wall more often but I wouldn't want to spam everyone else's walls with my stuff.

So I'm downloading WordPress and installing it on my own, currently rather neglected, website. I'll give you the address when it's done.

Hopefully I will be able to add my 'Notes' and put them in as the dates that I posted them here but if I don't it's no loss. Plus I can get 'Notes' to pick up the RSS feed from my blog and post it as a note. Best of both worlds really.

Grr. Milkmen.

As some of you might have guessed from my most recent facebook status I'm peed off with my milkman. I was willing to pay the inevitable extra cost for a pint of milk because it would guarantee me a pint of milk each morning from Monday to Saturday. Upon finally tracking down Dairy Crest's number I discovered it was 54p a pint for bottles (don't like cartons so I didn't ask the price of those) and that they only delivered Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays in my area (I get the impression I'm near the edge of my area and I'm thinking of moving house anyway so if I could find a new place near here but also just on the edge of somewhere that gets deliveries Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday I could possibly strike a deal with my neighbors). I was rather disappointed that I couldn't get 6 day delivery but I figured at least I got 3 working days covered so I signed up.

When I was about 16 or 17 I got an unofficial job helping a milkman with his rounds. He used to deliver milk to my house at around 5am when he was already about 1/4-1/2 way into his round and then I used to help him deliver the rest.

It's ten to 9 in the morning. I got up at ten to 6. I should be leaving for work at quarter past 9 at the very latest. I still haven't had any milk delivered.I rang the dairy at about 8:15 - "Hi, I should be getting my first pint of milk delivered this morning - I just wondered what time it could be delivered", "We can't guarantee a delivery time, sir", "Well I kind of ordered milk delivery so that I could be sure to have a pint of milk available each morning before I go to work so a rough idea will do", "OK, give me your number and I'll ask the milkman when he comes in" - whether that was after or before his round begins is a question I'm kicking myself for not asking.

Zombies – Solution to the global warming crisis

Too much carbon. That's the problem with the world today - and when that Carbon turns into carbon-dioxide then we're in real trouble.

According to accepted Scientists (that would be all those who believe that Global Warming is ALL OUR FAULT! - Anyone else just isn't acceptable.) temperatures over the next decade could rise to 75 degrees centigrade in the middle of winter IF you use a patio heater at your next barbecue.

Unfortunately even if you don't use a patio heater the future will still be noticeably grim unless we drastically cut down ALL carbon emissions. As humans are able to grow in population more than any other mammal on the planet, and as we have quite large lungs, and as those lungs spend most of their time converting oxygen into carbon-dioxide the solution to all your global warming problems is clear. STOP BREATHING!!!!
Unfortunately if you stop breathing then you will invariably die and your body will decompose releasing carbon-dioxide and methane. Although this tends to be a one-off occurrence it will still have a negative impact on the global carbon footprint. So what are we to do?

Perhaps you know a mad scientist who mistakenly thinks he has produced a formula to 'enhance' mankind. Know of a virus-carrying spaceship? Been in contact with green-glowing nuclear waste? Do you know, or have you ever had contact with, a Witchdoctor? Or perhaps you even know a Zombie who is willing to bite people? If so you could help SAVE THE PLANET!!!

By utilising a "you bite my friend I bite yours" pyramid scheme infection could quickly be spread. Current calculations suggest that under this scheme the entire human population of the planet could be converted into a Zombie horde in just ten years. If world governments take responsibility for the situation we find ourselves in and place a ban on shotguns, machetes, swords and sports equipment (such as cricket bats, baseball bats etc), chainsaws and hedge trimmers then those who are opposed to our scheme will soon be converted meaning that our program would only take five years.

WHY ZOMBIES??

  1. Decomposition:
    The undead have a slower rate of decomposition than the dead. This means that the planet will be better able to cope with the slower rate of carbon release
  2. No breath:
    It is a common misconception that Zombies must breathe to create the moaning noise that they do. Technically this is true but as their lungs are no longer alive there is no conversion of any gasses. A zombie's lungs are more like a pair of bellows and, apart from a small amount of gases produced by slow decomposition lending a fetid stench to their 'breath', the air comes out out pretty much the same as it goes in.
  3. Recycling:
    Those humans who do not survive the Zombification process are generally eaten by the others. This will prevent any waste or fast decomposition.
  4. Lack of Offspring:
    As the only form of 'reproduction' available to a Zombie is to bite a human this will prevent any problems with world overpopulationl. In fact it will eventually lead to a permanent solution of this problem.

WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP

  1. Find a Zombifier. Vectors via which normal people can become Zombies are listed above. If you know of a method not mentioned above then please let us know.
  2. Become a zombie. It's a slower, more relaxing state of being - you can make new friends and there's always a meal at hand (sometimes the two are the same thing!)
  3. Offset any final carbon you have by paying me. If you provide enough of the right kind of payment I will plant watercress on your behalf.


    WHAT TYPE OF PAYMENT DO YOU ACCEPT

    Prior to world Zombification I accept:

  • Any form of cash. I accept hard cash, cheques and Paypal payments.
  • Gold Bars
  • Computer Equipment
  • Drums and percussion equipment
  • Kebabs

After world Zombification has begun I will accept:

  • Canned goods
  • Shotgun shells
  • Sturdy wood suitable for barricades
  • 1 Female companion (non-zombie - must have own teeth)
  • Firelighters
  • Petrol
  • Rags
  • Arrows
    My new address after the program has begun will be:
    The New World Order
    Winchester Pub
    5 Shotgun Alley
    rest of address provided on a need-to-know basis. 

    Brought to you by the "Theworldsgoingdowninflamesanditsallourfault.com" - probably.

20 Things to do before I die (Edition II – 11 to go)

Read on. There might be sweeties in this for you.

Everyone thinks it's incredibly romantic.

"20 things I must do before I die."

As if it's really important. I mean, if it was full of things like 'save a life', 'find a solution to world poverty' etc. I'd understand but it's usually stuff like 'Swim with dolphins'. So what people really mean by "20 things to do before I die" is "20 pointless things I'd like to do and haven't got round to". I'd hate to buck the trend, so I won't, but I thought, why be pretentious and do the dolphin thing. Why not think of some REALLY pointless things. So since the last time I published a note like this I have 4 more ideas bringing it up to 9 and no-one seems to be adding any ideas (apart from Iain Loasby - thanks for the Shitlington Crag idea).
  • Go to the Forth of Firth on the 1/4 and the 4/1. (Pretty easy to do, just have to make sure I'm in Scotland in December/January and March/April - I suppose I could count this as two things).
  • Visit the only Pub in England to be owned by the Ministry of Defence.
  • Visit the oldest coffee shop in the world (in Oxford)
  • Visit the second oldest coffee shop in the world (it's in Leipzig and was also founded in the 1700s)
  • Go swimming with an elephant. I guess I'd have to be riding it to make sure I was safe doing this... If I can't swim with one I'll just ride one.
  • Travel to Australia via Europe and Asia (this isn't THAT pointless as I have relatives in Oz) and back via America.
  • Drink a beer on Shitlington Crag with Iain Loasby
  • Travel to parts of Africa via France and Spain
  • Go on 'Air' at Alton Towers (Ok there's a bit of a 'point' to this one - for those of you who are thinking "that's easy" you don't understand how my fear of rollercoasters and my desire to want to know what it feels like to be Superman clash horribly.)
That's my list so far. There's a small bag of sweeties (100g and I'll do sugar-free or nuts for any diabetics) in it for anyone who helps (or has helped) me to get the list to 20. Any ideas of yours that I like will be added. They can be as stupid or as interesting as you like as long as they're reasonably pointless. One bag of sweets per person rather than idea will probably be the way I'll do it but you never know....
OK so the revised list has 8 things on it meaning I only have 12 to go. They're mostly travel related because I'd like to be more well travelled. Come on people I need ideas to make it up to twenty so please tell me your ideas so I can add them. Or just insult me like you usually do. You know who you are (and just in case you don't I'll tag you in this note). I've randomly selected friends who I think might be interested AND give me some good ideas and I'm also going to publish this to my wall. As you can tell from the list it can be as easy or hard as you like (the Africa/Europe and Australia/Europe/Asia ones are going to take some planning for instance..).