The Ballad of Peterborough.

(To be sung to the tune of ‘Nay, no, never’ – mispellings intentional to denote folkish pronunciation of lyrics)



Theyy roll into a niyghtclub at about two ay amm..
There are those who are mutton who are dressed up as Laymb
There are those who are laymb who are minted and sauced
Be arrested for looking their direction of course

And it’s Peterborough,
Wild, aggressive and free,
There’s no other Borough
That’s got louts like these

As chavs spill out the door there’s ay hor-rendous sound
As the contents of stomachs spew out on the ground
There’s a couple while sober wouldn’t spend time of day
And they’re swapping saliva like they’re being payed

And it’s Peterborough,
Wild, aggressive and free,
There’s no other Borough
That’s got louts like these

As a quiet passer-by is inviyted to fiyght
A thousand more knuckles roll into the niyght
They’re fluid as Liquid, they’re tacky as Flares
Heaven help these poor sops if they come across stairs

And it’s Peterborough,
Wild, aggressive and free,
There’s no other Borough
That’s got louts like these

There were times that I loved when Iy warlked abowt town
With the town wreathed in silence was beauteous ’til dawn
But the sound of that silence is fleeing from me
It’s replaced with the cry “Are you looking at me?”

And it’s Peterborough,
Love it, live it or leave?
Just save me from the locals,
I need space to breathe.

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